The Power of Authenticity, Who is the Real You?
Plus: For the Walking Challenge Group
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From the Archive
This is a post I published here on Substack almost a year ago. It occurred to me that many of you won’t have read it, and might like to as it has quite a powerful message. I do hope you enjoy it.
Authenticity is Powerful, Who is The Real You?
When you see the world through a lens distorted by the defences you built up during an unhappy childhood, the defensive layers conceal who you really are. At some point, it becomes time to dismantle them, to live your life more authentically. You have become programmed to act within those defensive layers that are no longer relevant. To rediscover and reconnect with the you that became submerged in childhood is important for your mental health and self-growth.
We are more likely to be happy if we are being our authentic selves. Our happiness is our responsibility - no one else’s. Forgiving those in our childhood who caused the early years to be miserable and unfulfilled is healthy for us; after all, we can’t change the facts of what happened but we can get rid of the hurt and anger by letting go of grudges, bitterness and blame.
We’ll feel less stressed as well as happier for it. Untreated, continuous stress causes chronic illness. Being responsible for how we think and feel rather than letting others be in control is helping remove one of those toxic layers. We must also reject the voices of our parents, culture and society, influencing our choices.
Be yourself, not the idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of you should be ~ Henry David Thoreau
James Hollis, the American Jungian psychotherapist, says that we live the first part of our life just being who we think we are but in the second part we need to find out who we really are and live a more authentic life. We need to start to look deeper into ourselves. As Hollis says, we need to deal with history’s unmade bed.
Authenticity is the quality of being genuine or real, in all its uniqueness. The more we get to know who we really are, the more genuine we can be, so it means working on ourselves with introspection and self-analysis. Authenticity is letting your true self shine through without fearing judgment or rejection. It means owning your flaws and imperfections because they are part of who you are.
It’s about being true to yourself, not pretending to be someone else just to fit in. Be you, even if that makes you different, and be proud to be who you are. If you act in a way that is incongruent with your core self, you are likely to feel discomfort and guilt and people can usually tell when someone is not being genuine.
To become a person does not necessarily mean to be well-adjusted, well adapted or approved of by others. It means to become who you are. We are meant to become more eccentric, more peculiar, more odd. We are not meant just to fit in. We are here to be different. We are here to be the individual. ~ James Hollis
When we’re not being authentic, we may suffer from depression. The depression is telling us that something is wrong. Perhaps we are avoiding the change that is needed for growth. Develop the courage to face your fears, to let go, start again with authenticity.
Start Inner Work
If our childhood was relatively uncomplicated with most of our needs met, long-term problems are unlikely to arise. However, when there is a distinct mismatch between what we need and what we receive, the defences we set up can be so deeply ingrained that they are lifelong and unhelpful in our relationships unless we seek professional help, or can start inner work on removing them ourselves.
Halfway through our life then we need to start this work. Identifying and acting out our core values, and developing an internal moral compass is a good place to start. Live with integrity and communicate honestly, forgiving ourselves for past mistakes which will foster healing and growth. Learn to be okay with being wrong and to lose well.
Set boundaries and learn to say no. Admit when we are at fault in a situation or when we have made a mistake. Your mistakes can also lead to the truth’ ~ Rumi. Practice self-reflection and be honest about our behaviour. Being authentic deepens the relationships we have with others as well as ourselves. We all have a different path to travel.
If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s path ~ Carl Jung
To be who you were meant to be before you built those protective layers around your emotions, to embrace your authentic self, is powerful. You are seen as more credible. Being true to your core values and beliefs instils a sense of trust and loyalty in others and self-esteem in yourself. This results in you being happier and more satisfied, with healthy relationships.
For the Walking Challenge Group
Tomorrow is the last day of March. On April 1st we will be taking up a new challenge. After much consideration and some research, I’ve decided on Backwards Walking to replace exercise snacks. Also on the list were isometric exercises - I’ve written a post about that for publication later next month, the 5 Tibetan Rites, Tai Chi and skipping.
An article I read about it suggested 10 minutes of backwards walking, 3 times a week had been found to be beneficial, so that’s what we’ll aim for. You can choose which days you do your backwards walking, but aim for the three days a week.
If you don’t want to join in with this, stick with exercise snacks or just the 4,000 step target. It’s up to you how much you can and want to do. For those of you who plan to do it, make sure you’re in a safe place, and if outside, that you’re accompanied by a friend to ensure you don’t bump into anything.
If anyone that isn’t already doing the daily challenge(s) would like to, just go to the Chat thread for Life In The Second Half and start logging your daily efforts. I post my own every day and read everyone’s results.
I said I’d let you know how I got on with the Nordic Walking poles. I haven’t used them much yet, but I’m growing to really like them, the few times I have. It’s good that my arms are not just swinging by my side, as in normal walking, but are actually being used to propel myself along with the poles. So, it’s a good all-body workout. I know, from research, that Nordic Walking has many benefits, so I look forward to continuing to learn how to do it.
As the piece above is from the archives, I haven’t created a new podcast to go with it so here’s the link to the original if you want to hear the post read: Authenticity is Powerful, Who is The Real You podcast.
Next week’s newsletter will be 9 More Good Things No One Tells You About Ageing. Some more pointers to help us change the negativity around our older years. Don’t let your age dictate what you do and think, ignore that number and be the person you want to be to fully enjoy your life.
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Discussion:
Do you like James Hollis’s description of what our authentic self might be: eccentric, peculiar or odd? It certainly resonated with me.
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I really enjoyed this post, Patricia. Your urging to let go and forgive, I agree with as blaming can really consume our daily existence, but letting go may require deep work. As a person recovering, slowly but surely, from long covid, I have made more authentic connections in the time of my illness and it has, bizzarely helped me to uncover and reveal my authenticity which I like very much. Perhaps illness removes the walls, making us more vulnerable and more real? It's not to say it doesn't bring loneliness and isolation, but at the same time I have learned to sit with myself and to be more forgiving and accepting of myself and others. I'd love to hear any thoughts on this. Love your work 🙏
I agree so much, Patricia, that we are meant to be our own most authentic self -- the most purely unique version, the better. Each of is here to fill a specific little part in the mosaic, I think. Whenever I doubt this, I think of those in history and around us, who truly have made an impact and each of them, is different, often quirky, always a trailblazer in some way. Sometimes ... the trailblazing is simply that they have the audacity and bravery to be fully themselves, and damning the consequences.