Authenticity is Powerful. Who Is The Real You?

Discover who you are in life's second half

Welcome to a fortnightly newsletter for those in the second half of life who remain positive and optimistic in the face of the changes ageing brings. I’ve spent the last 30 years following the science of living a healthy life over the age of 45 and putting it into practice. It’s paid off because I’m fit and well and fully engaged with a busy life. I share this knowledge with you in posts, podcasts and sometimes, videos. Subscribe to my newsletter for access to them.

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Photo by Nathan Cima on Unsplash

When you see the world through a lens distorted by the defences you built up during an unhappy childhood, the defensive layers conceal who you really are. At some point, it becomes time to dismantle them, to live your life more authentically. You have become programmed to act within those defensive layers that are no longer relevant. To rediscover and reconnect with the you that became submerged in childhood is important for your mental health and self-growth.

We are more likely to be happy if we are being our authentic selves. Our happiness is our responsibility - no one else’s. Forgiving those in our childhood who caused the early years to be miserable and unfulfilled is healthy for us; after all, we can’t change the facts of what happened but we can get rid of the hurt and anger by letting go of grudges, bitterness and blame.

We’ll feel less stressed as well as happier for it. Untreated, continuous stress causes chronic illness. Being responsible for how we think and feel rather than letting others be in control is helping remove one of those toxic layers. We must also reject the voices of our parents, culture and society, influencing our choices.

Be yourself, not the idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of you should be ~ Henry David Thoreau

James Hollis, the American Jungian psychotherapist, says that we live the first part of our life just being who we think we are but in the second part we need to find out who we really are and live a more authentic life. We need to start to look deeper into ourselves. As Hollis says, we need to deal with history’s unmade bed.

Authenticity is the quality of being genuine or real, in all its uniqueness. The more we get to know who we really are, the more genuine we can be, so it means working on ourselves with introspection and self-analysis. Authenticity is letting your true self shine through without fearing judgment or rejection. It means owning your flaws and imperfections because they are part of who you are.

It’s about being true to yourself, not pretending to be someone else just to fit in. Be you, even if that makes you different, and be proud to be who you are. If you act in a way that is incongruent with your core self, you are likely to feel discomfort and guilt and people can usually tell when someone is not being genuine.

To become a person does not necessarily mean to be well-adjusted, well adapted or approved of by others. It means to become who you are. We are meant to become more eccentric, more peculiar, more odd. We are not meant just to fit in. We are here to be different. We are here to be the individual. ~ James Hollis

When we’re not being authentic, we may suffer from depression. The depression is telling us that something is wrong. Perhaps we are avoiding the change that is needed for growth. Develop the courage to face your fears, to let go, start again with authenticity.

Start Inner Work

If our childhood was relatively uncomplicated with most of our needs met, long-term problems are unlikely to arise. However, when there is a distinct mismatch between what we need and what we receive, the defences we set up can be so deeply ingrained that they are lifelong and unhelpful in our relationships unless we seek professional help, or can start inner work on removing them ourselves.

Halfway through our life then we need to start this work. Identifying and acting out our core values, and developing an internal moral compass is a good place to start. Live with integrity and communicate honestly, forgiving ourselves for past mistakes which will foster healing and growth. Learn to be okay with being wrong and to lose well.

Set boundaries and learn to say no. Admit when we are at fault in a situation or when we have made a mistake. Your mistakes can also lead to the truth’ ~ Rumi. Practice self-reflection and be honest about our behaviour. Being authentic deepens the relationships we have with others as well as ourselves. We all have a different path to travel.

If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s path ~ Carl Jung

To be who you were meant to be before you built those protective layers around your emotions, to embrace your authentic self, is powerful. You are seen as more credible. Being true to your core values and beliefs instills a sense of trust and loyalty in others and self-esteem in yourself. This results in you being happier and more satisfied, with healthy relationships.

Comments:

Do you like James Hollis’s description of what our authentic self might be: eccentric, peculiar or odd? It certainly resonated with me.

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